it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's Friday. Sex?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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