there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
