I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
