You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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