Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
