Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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