you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
