what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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