Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
