I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
