Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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