She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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