in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How does one acquire holy water?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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