my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
