I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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