I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
