You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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