so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
