Are we in a gay sports bar?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
