I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
