The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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