I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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