Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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