I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
