You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
