I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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