wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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