her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
