I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
