i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
