I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
