I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
