one two three fourrrrnication!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
