i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
