people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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