Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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