Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
