Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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