you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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