Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
