i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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