Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm jealous of your bromance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
