dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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