i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
