You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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