just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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