Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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