Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
