i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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