i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
