Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Text me some of your sweat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
