After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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