Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
