i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
